| Preface |
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xvii | |
| Acknowledgments |
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xx | |
| Insight Through Restraint Excerpts from a Lecture on Alternative Approaches to Healing |
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Story: Helping revelations |
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1 | (1) |
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Scientific and phenomenological paths of discovery |
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2 | (1) |
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2 | (1) |
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3 | (1) |
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3 | (1) |
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3 | (1) |
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Philosophical phenomenology and conscience |
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4 | (1) |
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Psychotherapeutic phenomenology |
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5 | (1) |
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6 | (1) |
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6 | (1) |
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7 | (4) |
| Entanglements and Their Resolution From an Advanced Training Course for Helping Professionals |
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| The First Day |
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11 | (1) |
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11 | (1) |
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12 | (1) |
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13 | (1) |
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13 | (2) |
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15 | (1) |
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16 | (1) |
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A son's unconscious identification with his mother's favorite brother |
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16 | (23) |
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The difference between following someone's example and being identified with a person |
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26 | (1) |
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The principle of minimalism |
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27 | (1) |
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Individuation detracts from the intensity of a relationship |
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27 | (1) |
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Love follows predetermined laws |
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28 | (1) |
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29 | (1) |
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The priority of the first close relationship |
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30 | (1) |
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The hierarchy in the family |
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30 | (1) |
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The exclusive status of the intimate sphere |
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31 | (1) |
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31 | (2) |
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33 | (1) |
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Hierarchy in organizations |
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33 | (2) |
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The decision not to have children |
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35 | (1) |
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36 | (1) |
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The consequences of such a decision for the couple's relationship |
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36 | (1) |
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37 | (1) |
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Children who get bad grades |
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38 | (1) |
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38 | (1) |
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A daughter represents her father's deceased sister |
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39 | (6) |
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Compensation through suffering |
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43 | (1) |
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Compensation on a higher level |
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44 | (1) |
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Compensation through acknowledgment and respect |
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45 | (1) |
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Accepting one's life even at the cost of many others |
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45 | (18) |
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48 | (8) |
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Acknowledged personal guilt as a source of strength |
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56 | (1) |
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Saving face for one's father |
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57 | (1) |
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It is easier to suffer than to accept the solution |
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58 | (1) |
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The humble solution hurts |
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58 | (1) |
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A child's interrupted movement toward his mother or father |
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59 | (3) |
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62 | (1) |
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62 | (1) |
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The mother threatened to kill herself and her children |
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63 | (18) |
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The consequences of murder and threats of murder within the family |
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71 | (1) |
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People who have forfeited their right to belong must leave |
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72 | (1) |
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Questions that help and questions that don't |
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73 | (1) |
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The therapist's responsibility when working with family constellations |
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74 | (1) |
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Observing process rather than content |
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75 | (1) |
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Becoming entangled in other people's confusion and other people's feelings in a family constellation |
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76 | (1) |
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The mother's threat of suicide |
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77 | (1) |
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78 | (2) |
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A matter of life and death |
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80 | (1) |
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81 | (1) |
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Two great-uncles were excluded, and an uncle was despised |
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81 | (10) |
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The members of the family system |
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88 | (1) |
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United in a common fate: survivors and the deceased and victims and perpetrators |
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89 | (1) |
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A wife threatened to commit suicide |
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90 | (1) |
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The daughter represents her father's former fiancee |
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91 | (15) |
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The best place for children |
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96 | (1) |
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Unconscious identification with a parent's former partner |
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97 | (2) |
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99 | (1) |
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Who should have custody of the child of an addicted mother? |
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100 | (1) |
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101 | (3) |
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Addiction as a means of atonement |
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104 | (1) |
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Intuition is dependent on love |
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105 | (1) |
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Addiction as attempted suicide |
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105 | (1) |
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The healing movement toward the mother |
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105 | (1) |
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What should be considered when a child's interrupted movement toward its mother or father is resumed and completed |
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106 | (4) |
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106 | (1) |
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Representatives of the parents |
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107 | (1) |
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108 | (1) |
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The movement toward the parents must reach beyond them |
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109 | (1) |
| The Second Day |
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Adopting the role of victim as a means of revenge |
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110 | (3) |
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111 | (1) |
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111 | (1) |
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111 | (1) |
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112 | (1) |
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Identifying a double shift |
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112 | (1) |
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113 | (8) |
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The wrong kind of forgiveness |
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119 | (1) |
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The consequences for the child |
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120 | (1) |
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A handicapped brother and an unacknowledged half brother, both of whom died as children |
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121 | (20) |
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130 | (2) |
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132 | (1) |
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Taking on someone else's sadness makes one weak |
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132 | (1) |
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Psychological hygiene in constellations |
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132 | (1) |
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The stress of being happy |
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133 | (1) |
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134 | (1) |
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Children frequently atone for irresponsible separations |
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134 | (1) |
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Compulsive compensation through atonement |
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135 | (1) |
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Feelings of guilt as a denial of reality |
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136 | (1) |
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The bond created by the consummation of love |
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136 | (1) |
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Within the mother's sphere of influence |
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137 | (1) |
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Different ways of giving and taking in the family |
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138 | (2) |
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140 | (1) |
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The father was illegitimate, the father's father was excluded from the family |
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141 | (15) |
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When a child takes on the role of a parent |
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147 | (1) |
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Atonement for the death for a woman in childbirth |
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147 | (3) |
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150 | (4) |
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154 | (1) |
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154 | (1) |
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155 | (1) |
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155 | (1) |
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The daughter is identified with her father's former fiancee |
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156 | (14) |
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Objective and subjective presumptuousness |
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161 | (1) |
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162 | (1) |
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Priority of the husband or wife in the family |
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163 | (1) |
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The woman follows the man, and the man is in the service of womanhood |
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164 | (1) |
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165 | (1) |
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What wrong must I have done to you to make me feel so angry with you? |
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166 | (1) |
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Anger as a defense against pain |
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167 | (1) |
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167 | (1) |
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167 | (2) |
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169 | (1) |
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A son represents his mother's former fiance |
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170 | (10) |
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The systemic sense of balance |
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172 | (1) |
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Different kinds of conscience |
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173 | (1) |
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174 | (1) |
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Conscience and compensation |
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175 | (1) |
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Constructive and destructive equilibrium |
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175 | (1) |
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The limits of compensation |
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176 | (1) |
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Balance through gratitude and humility |
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177 | (1) |
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177 | (1) |
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Leaving the past in peace |
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178 | (1) |
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All that remains of fire is ashes |
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179 | (1) |
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180 | (1) |
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Inequality in a couple's relationship and the law of compensation |
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180 | (9) |
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Jealousy and compensation |
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185 | (1) |
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186 | (1) |
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Unfaithfulness and faithfulness |
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186 | (2) |
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Assumed feelings of revenge |
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188 | (1) |
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188 | (1) |
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188 | (1) |
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Crises are most easily resolved after they peak |
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189 | (1) |
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189 | (23) |
| The Third Day |
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193 | (1) |
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194 | (2) |
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196 | (1) |
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197 | (1) |
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197 | (1) |
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The base feeling, and how to change it |
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198 | (2) |
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200 | (1) |
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200 | (1) |
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A different kind of knowledge |
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201 | (1) |
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202 | (1) |
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202 | (1) |
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Futile fantasies about relationships |
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202 | (1) |
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Giving and taking in a partnership |
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203 | (1) |
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Letting pressure flow away |
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204 | (1) |
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205 | (1) |
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Sadness about aunts who died in a concentration camp |
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205 | (1) |
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Respecting the parents of handicapped children |
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206 | (1) |
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Presumption and its consequences |
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206 | (2) |
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208 | (1) |
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Yes and no to having a child of one's own |
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209 | (1) |
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210 | (1) |
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210 | (1) |
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Honoring one's father - and behind him, God |
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211 | (1) |
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Refusal to accept atonement |
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212 | (1) |
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The youngest daughter's identification with her mother |
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212 | (7) |
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Inheritances with and without a price |
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217 | (2) |
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219 | (26) |
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229 | (1) |
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Standing firmly on both feet |
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230 | (1) |
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Wanting to escape from emotional fullness |
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230 | (1) |
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Fullness and completeness |
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230 | (1) |
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231 | (1) |
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231 | (1) |
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232 | (1) |
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Reconciliation through clarity |
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233 | (1) |
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233 | (1) |
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Self-restraint, with attentiveness and energy |
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234 | (1) |
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234 | (1) |
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The relief of living in the present |
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235 | (1) |
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Paying attention to the inner process |
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235 | (1) |
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Helping victims of incest |
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236 | (5) |
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How to help perpetrators of incest |
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241 | (1) |
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242 | (1) |
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242 | (1) |
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243 | (2) |
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What reduces women to size after they assume the role of God |
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245 | (11) |
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Story: Mercy does not last forever |
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245 | (9) |
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254 | (1) |
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254 | (1) |
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255 | (1) |
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The father's parents were killed in a concentration camp; the mother's parents survived by hiding |
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256 | (7) |
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262 | (1) |
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Regaining and accepting a father who died when his son was still young |
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263 | (5) |
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268 | (12) |
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The blessing concealed in things that went wrong |
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272 | (1) |
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273 | (1) |
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Closeness and restriction |
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273 | (1) |
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274 | (1) |
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Doing the right thing for one's aging parents |
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274 | (1) |
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The courage to do what is appropriate |
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274 | (1) |
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275 | (1) |
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Story: The way of the world |
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276 | (1) |
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276 | (3) |
| Laws of Belonging From a Workshop for Family Therapists |
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The solution as a religious act |
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279 | (1) |
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A woman who cannot have children of her own adopted a child |
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280 | (19) |
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286 | (1) |
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The hierarchy of belonging |
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287 | (1) |
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287 | (2) |
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A child's right to his or her parents |
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289 | (1) |
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The focus is on the victim, the child, and not on the perpetrators |
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289 | (2) |
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291 | (1) |
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The solution through dissolution |
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292 | (1) |
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293 | (1) |
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294 | (1) |
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295 | (1) |
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Identical guilt has identical consequences |
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296 | (1) |
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Objections impede the solution |
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296 | (1) |
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296 | (2) |
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298 | (1) |
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A father agreed to the adoption of his illegitimate daughter by her mother's second husband |
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299 | (28) |
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306 | (5) |
| Systemic Conditions of Illness and Health From a Seminar for People with Serious Illnesses, and Their Doctors and Therapists, Held During an International Conference on Medicine and Religion |
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| Introductory Lecture: Beliefs That Contribute to Illness and Disenchantment That Heals |
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311 | (1) |
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Family loyalty and its consequences |
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311 | (1) |
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312 | (1) |
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Illness follows the desires of the heart |
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312 | (1) |
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313 | (3) |
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316 | (1) |
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``I will go instead of you'' |
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317 | (1) |
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``Even if you go, I will stay'' |
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317 | (1) |
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318 | (1) |
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``I will go on living for a little while'' |
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318 | (1) |
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Beliefs that cause illness |
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319 | (1) |
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320 | (1) |
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320 | (1) |
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321 | (1) |
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Compensation through atonement is misfortune doubled |
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321 | (1) |
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Healing ways of compensation |
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322 | (1) |
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Reconciliation is better than atonement |
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323 | (1) |
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Illness as an attempt to atone for someone else |
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323 | (1) |
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Illness as a result of refusing to honor one's parents |
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324 | (1) |
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To honor one's parents is to honor the earth |
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324 | (1) |
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Story: Absence and presence |
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324 | (3) |
| The Seminar |
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327 | (10) |
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A mother follows her handicapped child into death |
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337 | (12) |
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Dying is preferable to bowing to one's father |
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349 | (8) |
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Later consequences of poliomyelitis and a difficult pregnancy and birth |
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357 | (9) |
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Identification with a member of the opposite sex |
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366 | (6) |
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Identification with a person of the opposite sex in homosexual love and psychosis |
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370 | (1) |
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Deciding in favor of the father over the mother's lover |
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371 | (1) |
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Knowledge must engender action |
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372 | (1) |
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372 | (13) |
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Family constellations work through the inner picture |
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383 | (1) |
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383 | (1) |
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Family constellations using symbols |
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384 | (1) |
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One brother died soon after birth, and the other committed suicide |
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385 | (9) |
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Suicide out of motives of love |
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392 | (1) |
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Blaming someone else as a defense against pain |
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392 | (1) |
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Refusal to answer a question |
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392 | (1) |
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Procedure in family constellations |
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When a mother has committed suicide |
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393 | (1) |
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When does the client enter the group? |
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How close may dead people stand to living persons? |
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394 | (1) |
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Heroin-addicted daughter: the male element is missing in the family |
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394 | (12) |
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Children follow their father just as their mother follows her husband |
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401 | (5) |
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406 | (9) |
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The priority of the present over the past |
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411 | (1) |
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Former partners are represented later on by children |
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411 | (1) |
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Illegitimate children born in a marriage |
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412 | (1) |
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Abortion is none of the children's business |
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413 | (1) |
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What happens when there is no solution? |
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414 | (1) |
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A son has a serious accident: ``I will go instead of you, Daddy dear'' |
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415 | (5) |
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An anorectic girl: ``I'll go instead of you, Daddy dear'' |
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420 | (37) |
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Bouts of overeating with subsequent vomiting |
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425 | (1) |
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In harmony with a higher providence and grace |
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426 | (1) |
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Story: Knowledge and wisdom |
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427 | (6) |
| Answers to Questions from a Friend |
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The systemic dimension of problems and destinies |
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433 | (2) |
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435 | (3) |
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438 | (2) |
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440 | (1) |
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Reservation about ``seeing'' |
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440 | (1) |
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The hypnotherapy of Milton Erickson |
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441 | (1) |
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441 | (1) |
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442 | (1) |
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443 | (14) |
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443 | (1) |
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444 | (1) |
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The equal right to belong |
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445 | (1) |
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Causes of illness and healing in familes |
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446 | (1) |
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446 | (1) |
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447 | (1) |
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447 | (1) |
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Trusting reality, even when it is shocking |
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448 | (2) |
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Stopping clients from describing problems |
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450 | (1) |
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451 | (1) |
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451 | (1) |
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Interruptions in the work |
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452 | (1) |
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Guarding against curiosity |
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452 | (1) |
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No verification of success |
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453 | (1) |
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The present moment counts |
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454 | (3) |
| Index |
|
457 | |
Other versions by this Author